Forgiven, not forgotten....My beloved Siew Choo

Siew Choo,

It's been 2 years.....I had never talked to you, met you nor heard of you. I have been wondering how you have been. All these long, I kept you in my heart, it really hurts when I see you in another man's arms. It hurts more when I recalled the last time we met, you tells me you still loves me, but u cant come back.
Now, 2 years have passed.....Finally yesterday, I finally made the decision to contact you. Finally hear your own voice, your soul....Im delighted. So many things happened to you, somehow you pulled through all the pains. Im glad I heard of your situation and what have you been all these while from your own mouth, your own words. Im relieved now that you are OK.

Siew Choo,
How may I tell you, or show you, or by any chance to tell u that, I STILL LOVE YOU. I wanted to go back to Taiping to meet you to tell you how much I love you, how much I longed to hold your hands again, to protect you n stay by your side.

In the past....

When I wanted you, I thought you dont want me.....
When you wanted me, I thought its best to let you be with another person....
Now.....
I really want you....I wonders do you want me now ?

Love is so confusing....Yet I really love you and longed for an answer from you, Siew Choo.

Your life...The way you decribe to me now, you have given up dreams n hope, you have changed into a bitter person, the person that I donot really recalled as the real you.

How may I show you new hope n life ? I really want to show you. I just wish, you will sincerely open up your heart when we meet , and tell me n talk to me sicerely about your life , my life....and perhaps.....OUR LIVES TOGETHER if its possible.

GOD, show me a way....Show her a way too....GUIDE US.....

Practising whole night.....

I have been up all night again. I couldn't sleep, searched n surfed whole night searching for infomation about violin playing techniques. I wasn't sastified with the way Im playing now. It's so lame n amatuer. Imagine you could only play songs, but not FEEL the song. I hated this situation. There must be some way, some method, some info on the web that could help me, there must be!

Ahh! After a long search, I believe I have found some answers.....


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"The old way of playing the fiddle" and the "New Way".... that may be how the cartoonist saw it, but for violinists today who wish to play German baroque violin pieces as they were written and intended to be heard, it is not quite so simple! The German baroque violin bow was quite different from the Italian bow in design, construction and method of use. Bach, himself an accomplished violinist, was familiar with both types of bow, choosing to use - and to compose for - one or the other as best suited the music and circumstances in performance. The two types of bow in current use during baroque times reflected the German, and the Italian musical traditions and the music which these traditions produced.

Italian music was light and airy, requiring agility and rapidity. German music was more introspective; tempi were slower, and the music frequently required individual string players to produce true chords.

These two musical styles were reflected in the violin bows. The Italian bow was slim and light, the bow strings fixed in relatively high tension, while the German bow was highly arched, and the string tension was fairly loose. In contrast to the Italian technique of holding the bow lightly from above with curved wrist, the German bow was held with the thumb placed under the bow strings. In this way the player could tighten or relax the bowstring tension at will. A tighter tension in the bow was used for single string, single melodic line playing, while a relaxing of the bowstrings’ tension permitted playing on two or more strings simultaneously, and thus of course, the playing of true chords.

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The German/French firm BACH BOGENare Designers and Manufacturers of Curved Bows for Violin, Viola and Cello. Their site (English and German) offers photos, literature, CDs etc on the curved bow. Rostropovitch cooperated extensively on the design and testing of their bows, and several contemporary composers, such as John Cage, Walter Zimmermann, and Dieter Schnebel have written new works exploiting their potential.

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The most sastified breakthrough I ever attempt tonite (or morning) , is the VIBRATO technique. I have been wondering how to do that......Suddenly, I thought *Maybe just like a Guitar?*

Bingo, I use the same technique, well nearly same..... Constanly apllies n un-apllies pressure on the strings which I am pressing, and VIOLA! It works! Yipee! VIBRATOOOOOOO!

I also realized by adding certain tension n movement on the bow, it produce Vibrato effects too. How glad am I to discover this ( Dun comment too much, this is a DIY violin lesson after all) in one night. But I understand there are much to learn, much much much MORE.....

And from 2am-820am (now) I'm still awake since yesterday. GOSH! Later I'm the pianist for Worhip.....I hope I wont doze off!

I love my violin...There more I look at it, I can virtually forgets everything (almost everything) that existed around me, all the problems or anything!

I guess Piano and Violin really turns me on! None other instruments ever turn me on so much, none ever !

*Mom, I changed my mind, I wanna be a top violinist!*

Dried pockets, with a solemn Voilin as my contender

Last week, I bought my long awaited dream-instrument. Its called a VIOLIN. Hurray!

Johann Strauss Jr played it well, Schubert made wonderful tunes with it, Itsyak Perlmann solo-ed it in many performance, and now, Kendrick is learning how to play it!

At first, I couldn't get any decent tune from my bow n strings. It sqeaked like a cock-who-having-a-bad-sore throat. But somehow I got the hang of it.

Just today, I surfed alot DIY-Voilin lessons with pictures n diahgrams showing the basic n proper way to hold a voilin, and how to plays it. Learn quite a few things, n actually was shocked that there are many other things to concern of how to plays, take care and preserve a violin.

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They say Violin can makes very fine, smooth supple tune as your bow waltzes on the strings. I personally finds it is rather true, just like playing the piano, you need to concentrate n put alot efforts n feel the tune with ur heart. Otherwise, funny squeaking sound will be heard again once the angle n the speed of the bow is incorrect.

A voilin can really makes a wonderful tune which romances your soul with the most echanting melody.It can oso create a very sorrow tune that human voice are unable to dscribe.

Speaking of sorrow, sigh....Im quite sorrow at the moment. Blame me for miscalculated my money n spent it for fixing my car for RM250. I miscalculated that my pay for my job n my part-time singing salary will arrive by Tuesday. I get to find out that my money only comes to me around 7-10th May. This is really bad when a small potato like me staying in a BIG city like PJ. I miss mama now. How wonderful to be home with a fridge full of food supplies and a loving family to warm my loneliness up!

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Yeah! A Violin is the answer! For nearly a decade, I have spent my chilhood in loneliness. Parents never spent much time with me, and I cry alot, weep alot....Mostly infront of my mahogany-colored Piano. Thats why there a deep bond between me n my piano, and thus how my piano skills revived.

Now, again lonely, in a big city facing diffuculties, my new lover, my Violin is here! I have been playing it for a few days till deep late nights in my a place where no one will be able to disturb me. I really thank GOD that He gave me a music talent, which enable me to learn any intrument and understands how to play them well in such a short time.

My 1st song I ever attempt to play was

1. He Leadeth Me

2. Jesus Loves Me

3. As A Deer

4. Fa Ru Xue melody solo (Jay Chou)

So far so good, I can say Im about 50% to play a voilin properly now. Perhaps I will meet someone who knows how to play a voilin properly in my church. And hopefully, he/she is willing to teach me, as well Im willing to trade my Piano or Guitar tips with him/her...Hehehe!

GOD, I seriously need some income tomorrow.....Plz prepare for me....Sigh....